Floundering

It has been a week maybe two since my last post.

It has been a couple weeks since the big anxiety attack in Tennessee.

I am floundering.

I am doing really good about not reliving it over and over and over and over....

I have adopted a mantra..

"You can't do anything about the past because it is done and cannot be changed.

You shouldn't worry too much about the future because it can always change.

You should worry about and live in the RIGHT NOW. "

However, I am still struggling. I still have a low-level of anxiety that I didn't have before.

I went with my wonderful hubby to another town to on Monday.

I was anxious and panicky. I did control it to an extent. But eventually I had to tell him I needed to just go home.

I honestly am avoiding going places because I am just too tired to fight the anxiety.

I really haven't felt right or maybe like myself since that trip. 

I feel like a completely different person.

I have a greater love for my hubby and children for sticking by me.

I am more loving toward them.

However, I feel like I don't know myself anymore.

Oh I wish I could explain it better.

I do know I feel emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted.

The constant low level anxiety wears me down.

It also affects my digestive system. I've always had IBS and I have been in a constant state of digestive uproar. 

My friends, I am coping as best I can with this and will keep you updated.

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On an upside, my hubby and I have decided to make some nice and healthy life changes. First we are cleaning up our eating. Now this isn't really gonna be too much of a change for us because I always do the brown rice and whole wheat pasta. I will be using whole grain bread. We already do lower fat versions of some food. We eat a lot of lean meats and when we do have hamburger I drain and rinse all the fat off.

The biggest change will be cutting out white sugar and white flour. I will be buying whole wheat flour and honey for my bread making. I will be using whole grain pastry flour as well. We will be using raw sugars, agave, and honey for most of our sweetening needs. And last but not least I will be shopping weekly for our food so I can get a lot of fresh, organic, in season, produce. (at least until my garden produces)

I will also still be using coupons. I will pick up some of the not as healthy stuff too. I am being realistic about this change. I think I will stick to the 80/20 method. Eat clean 80 percent and not so clean 20%.

I also plan on canning a lot of my own sauces and toppings (without sugar and salt) this growing season. I more than likely will be buying dried beans and lentils in bulk and canning those types of things as well.

I believe diet is #1 in a healthy lifestyle. #2 is activity level. I have came up with a plan for myself for working out on top of the normal household and dog walking activities. 

Sunday: Weights

Monday: Yoga

Tuesday: Zumba

Wednesday: Yoga

Thursday: Weights

Friday: Yoga

Saturday: Zumba with kids

I can vary each of these workouts so I won't be doing the same thing every  time.

I have already started my plan and I have lost 4 pounds.

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I also have some crafty ideas bouncing around in my head.

I want to make a lap blanket for each of the women in my Women's Bible Study Group.

These women (all quite older than me) have taken me under their wings and are helping me through this life.

I love each one of them.

There are 8 of them. I will probably make at least 10 blankets just in case.

AND I have been working on one already and am about 60% finished with it.

I hope to have them all finished by the middle/end of summer sometime.

Oh and I will be making an extra blanket for my friend Rhonda. She is the same who lost her husband and high school sweetheart unexpectedly around Halloween.

Ahem I may even make one for our pastor's wife who is battling lung cancer.

She has already beaten colon cancer.

On top of all this, I have tried to start a cross stitch BUT I am not too good at it. I will have to make a trip to my mom's to see if she can straighten me out. She is really great at cross stitching.

Well, that is all for me today. I will try to keep you all informed. I think I may start treating this blog as a journal with the hope that I can help someone out there somehow.

Until next time

Be Blessed

Erin